"When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic."

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."

"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"

"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night."

"They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded."

"I bought some powdered water yesterday. I don't know what to add."

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"

"He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god."

"Put out the light."

"Noncooks think it's silly to invest two hours' work in two minutes' enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet."

"Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know."

"Solitude shows us what should be; society shows us what we are."