"Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake."

"Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you."

"There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn't make the mistake of trying to get together."

"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature."

"One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before."

"Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has travelled is the worst."

"But to my mind, though I am native here and to the manner born, it is a custom more honour'd in breach than the observance."

"To what purpose should I trouble myself in searching out the secrets of the stars, having death or slavery continually before my eyes?"

"The mind can assert anything and pretend it has proved it. My beliefs I test on my body, on my intuitional consciousness, and when I get a response there, then I accept."

"If people did not sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done."

"And in knowing that you know nothing, that makes you the smartest of all."

"I know you are here to kill me. Shoot, coward, you are only going to kill a man."