"There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer."

"Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania'...or 'teria'."

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity."

"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"

"Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."

"To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee."

"It's traditional for an heiress to be raised in a sheltered way. No one thinks that's true of me, but it actually was."

"A man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do, nothing else."

"A thing derided is a thing dead; a laughing man is stronger than a suffering man."

"Television is democracy at its ugliest."

"No man is a hypocrite in his pleasures."